** Disclaimer: Some expletive language used.**
Forgive and forget. The question of forgiving or forgetting comes in only when you have been deeply hurt or angered. You have felt those emotions, because you have been put through something that is against your principles and rules that you follow. To forgive and forget would mean you are not judging others by the same laws you judge yourself. And that is pure arrogance. Do we think we are so enlightened that we can have different laws for self, and selflessly love and forgive others? I think not.
My therapist and a friend of mine (two different people) told me multiple times that my habit of accepting people despite what they do, forgiving and forgetting is nothing but self harm. We don’t have to do it! Why should we accept toxic and abusive behaviour and call it forgiving and forgetting? Aren’t we ignoring our mental health and even disrespecting ourselves?!
I believe by forgetting I am disregarding the lesson I was taught by that experience. Even a painful negative encounter is teaching us something. Something about the perpetrator, the world and even us. By forgetting the whole event, we are ignoring a big lesson that had come our way. While we do learn lessons and move on; remnants of that trauma seldom leave us. No matter what form of relationship it was, sometimes closure becomes impossible. Sometimes you don’t get the chance to walk away from it, thanks to the need for societal politeness. The memories stop ruling our days, but the scars stay with us. Here is a poem that was penned down over a very long period.
Forgive and forget. That’s what they say.
Find peace. That’s the only way.
How do I forgive without an apology?
Forget what was a lesson meant for me?
Forgive the betrayal I felt?
Forget the hours in therapy, trying to erase what you had said?
Forgive all the scars, pain and hurt?
Forget what I learnt about you, me and this big bad world?
You’d said my struggles were something that were yours too.
You battled the same demons I gave a fight to.
You followed, “self comes before everyone else”.
So much so that, you refused to help.
Breaking, abusing and shaming.
Turned me into your little plaything.
Egging and pushing me to the edge.
Knowing well, you were fucking with my head.
I kept calling, but you never heard.
My pain wasn’t a part of your world.
Called me everytime you needed me.
And when it was your turn to give, you refused to see.
It was so easy for you to say, “get out of my life and stay out”.
Discarded me without a second’s thought.
Ripping, dissecting pulling me apart.
Watching me burn, bringing joy to your heart.
Feeling superior with the damage you wrecked.
Ego soothed for the day, that’s all you cared.
Were you disappointed to see me still well and fine?
Oh no! I forgot! You never did care a dime.
You were done and walked away.
Like you had never given me a thought for a day.
When it was a time of need, I was god sent.
When you were done, I just was an embarrassment?
You had your rules which applied to me,
But it all turned into nothing, but hypocrisy.
Excuses used on me didn’t matter otherwise
Was it only me that you despised?
Just played around for amusement and nothing was true.
Makes me wonder, then what kind of person did that make you?
You have the gall to question my integrity?
When it’s you with the lies, games and dishonesty.
It’s so easy to blame one and all.
Just because you don’t want to take the fall.
We aren’t kids in the playground.
Take responsibility for the mistakes that are your own.
Instead of shaming those who called you out on your BS.
Maybe you can consider being a good guy and not just playing it*.
Do you think we had no clue all along?
It’s our love that let you string us on.
I am not that foolish and you are not that smart.
It’s just that you had a piece of my heart.
All the lies and deceit were so easy to see.
I chose not to believe it and cherish you, as you would be.
You played and thought you had turned me into a fool.
I saw the usual signs like always, and waited for you to be true.
Forgive the abandonment when I needed you the most?
Forget how I was used and abused?
Forgive the smirk on your face while I cried?
Proud that you could break someone with your lies?
This sounds like hate. Isn’t that a lot?
Maybe I do. How can I not?
All I asked for was acceptance and respect.
But, you stripped me of my dignity and just left.
I do what I do, to “get over” you claim.
Does it help you sleep at night acting like a victim?
You puff your chest and cry foul.
Sit across and talk, if you know how.**
What do you worry about? Give me some clarity.
That they’ll know this is about you, or your reality?
Wait a minute! Stop strutting around.
Don’t think you still got me wrapped on!
Your betrayal doesn’t keep me up at night.
But, I don’t wish you well and that’s all right.
Oh no! I am not a saint.
I am just another human who doesn’t love in vain.
I wish you get what you gave me.
You say you weren’t that horrible, so let it be.
May you burn in the fire you pushed me in.
May someone tear you apart and send you where I have been.
May you learn what it means to lose faith.
May your heart break when you are betrayed.
May you be abandoned by the ones you trust.
May your beliefs turn into dust.
I wish you pain but I am not evil.
May you too learn the lessons I remember still.
May you just get what you deserve.
Who am I to put a curse?
What goes around comes around we have to learn.
And hope you get a taste of your own medicine.
That’s for life and Karma to see.
It’s time for me to take your leave.
Everything changes and nothing stays still.
But forgive and forget I never will.
*(Dipshit rhymed really well, but that’s not what I wanted to convey :D)
** (“Sit across and talk, if you have the balls” was really tempting too. :P)