Disclaimer: There is a lot of profanity used in this post. I feel very passionately about this topic and literally boils my blood every time I think of it. So, I profusely apologize for the language used. I hope you will understand why I did that when you read it and maybe feel the way I do.
You can say, why do I care what a few jobless adults are doing to their own bodies? But you see, every moronic decision these idiotic adults make, even for themselves is impacting and shaping the world and the future my child is growing up in. I wrote this post almost 6 months ago. For various reasons it is being posted today. And as I was reviewing it, I added this paragraph. Now, I am wondering if just writing about it is enough. This has genuinely disturbed me. We all play multiple roles in our lives and if you are a parent, you know it trumps all the other roles. Now, I am thinking if I should do more about it. What can I do? Do you think I should do something more?
I love a drink or two. Always have. It’s not the feeling post the drinks, it’s the process itself. The taste, the conversations, all of it.
Ok. Wait. Before I begin. I am not endorsing drinking or any other kind of stimulant. This is a normal person talking about it all based on what she sees around her and feels about it. And mind you, doesn’t claim to be an expert on it. You have to have these disclaimers out there nowadays lest you want to wake up with a deluge of accusatory texts/messages calling you all kinds of things. The bright side of such texts is definitely a quick refresher of words you don’t use on a regular basis. But, vocabulary which I wouldn’t probably ever use. Hmmm. Such a waste. If you believe everyone should think and feel like you and follow you blindly, then you should probably consider connecting with Kim Jong-Un. Or read my earlier post https://deepikarao.in/2019/05/29/fight-club/
There. I am digressing again. So, where was I? I don’t honestly remember, so I will just start again. In the last few months for various reasons I have ended up talking to a few friends of mine regarding chemical stimulants. Not the one you get on prescriptions but the ones you swallow, snort, inject, lick (or god knows what else) to have a good time! (Remember not an expert? In this case, not even a beginner.)
I believed or rather told myself all these years that I never got around to experimenting it, because I never had access to it. That maybe, if I had come across it in my teens or early 20s, according to me the more impressionable and stupid years, I would have. But, while talking to her, it just came to me! I always had access! I knew people who were doing it when I was in my undergrad years. I was close to Manipal, a student town, for my masters. Everyone knew that you could get whatever you wanted. If I had the interest, I could have. But, I didn’t. Even in the later years, during my travels I came across it in the open. I never did. Why didn’t I?
One of the reasons, cause maybe it’s illegal. I am a stickler for rules, most times and hate doing anything to thwart it. Of course I have broken a few rules here and there. Like, maybe park in the “No parking” for the quick 5 minute errand. Ain’t no saints here!
But, with a lot more introspection, I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t just that. I couldn’t ever get myself to ingest something of obscure chemical composition. I don’t know what it’s made of. I don’t know how it would react or IF it would react with anything else in my body. I don’t know how it’s processed by my body.
The last time I had said this in an argument with a probable chemical stimulant philic/supporter, I was told to look up the composition and the effects on Google. Ya, sure! Google! Ha! That should definitely give me a lot of confidence! Ok. Let’s consider looking it up at a genuine trustworthy site, which gives me the correct composition and effects. Wonderful! But now tell me, how does one trust, that the illegal maker of this unregulated shit is going to exactly stick by it?! You can’t! You just can’t!!
There were arguments about how alcohol and tobacco is bad too but the government allows it and blah. I am not even going to get into that discussion. This isn’t about policies and money making plans of our governments. It is about using the thing called brain and the stuff called common fucking sense. Forget the legality of it all, how the fuck are you ok putting unknown stuff of obscure and doubtful composition into your body?!! Alcohol and Tobacco because is regulated, tells us for sure what is going in. So, you know what you are exactly doing it to yourself and you know where it stops being fun and starts being self harm. Unless you buy spurious liquor.
I am sorry. All the profanity! But, this makes me mad. So fucking mad. In 2017, a drug racket was busted in my city, Hyderabad. 27 schools and colleges. School kids, on whatsapp groups buying drugs. High on LSD. We shook our heads, conversations about parents, access to money, the rights, the wrongs. All done.
I have an 8 year old. You know what scares the fuck outta me? Not the drug suppliers, the money, the values or the access. It’s the casualness of all of this. A bunch of people who allegedly use such chemical stimulants on a fairly regular basis are called by others “the drug gang”, “the druggies”, “the poppers”. And none of this is in judgement or is used in a derogatory sense. It’s with a laugh and all in good humor. It’s fun! It’s fucking fun!
No wait. I am wrong. It’s fun but at their expense. Who I am kidding by saying it’s not derogatory. It of course is. They are being looked down upon and being labeled as rich, spoilt, useless fools. People without an ounce of common sense and sense of responsibility. Somebody jokes and says, they wanna try some “interesting stuff”, others ask them to get in touch with “the drug gang”. They sure would have some stock on them. And then everyone laughs at loud. And, I am thinking, if these are the adults, what chance does my little child have? And, these aren’t some random guys you hear about. These are people all around us. My upbringing or beliefs or rules aren’t going to be enough. I can’t possibly fight all these morons out there, all by myself.
And what if these morons decide to have kids of their own? Will they protect them from the evils of the world or have an initiation party for their 13 year olds? “Let’s go my child, let me introduce you to the fake joy called drugs! Here is an “X”, just pop 1/4th of it, we will slowly graduate to the whole pill soon.” Wait, look at me! Assuming 13 is the right age! Will they even wait till 13? Isn’t 5, 10 also a great milestone birthday?
Some of these people are quite particular about what others think of them. Very protective of their family’s reputation. And that is a brilliant thing! So much so that they are careful of who they are even seen with! You gotta be up to the mark to hob nob with these fancy schmanzies! So, what happens to their and their family’s reputation when people are sneering, tch tching, feeling bad for that loving family whose “once upon a time bright hope” is busy popping pills and licking stamps in the party of the week?
Sorry. I am not done yet. I am still so mad. Another argument is that I am biased because all I know about drugs is what movies and shows have shown me. Yes, I have seen from Trainspotting to Patrick Melrose. Of course, it’s fiction. Of course, they make it more dramatic than it already is. That’s what sells. But come on! That is the argument?! Come on! Now, you are almost making me feel pity for you!
Also, apparently it’s ok to be a recreational drug user. It’s ok to pop, snort, inject, lick or whatever other shit once in a while given you are not an addict. Apparently the feeling is like “going to a great concert” or “having a great dinner with your friends”. That is just so sad. You don’t have friends you can just go to dinner with and have a good time? You need pills to make you feel happy? A false sense of fun? To escape how pitiful your life really is? I am not trying to be insensitive, but if that is the case, pills for a temporary sense of happiness is not what you need. You need to work on yourself and on your life. You need professional help to deal with this. This is not a post on “the pursuit of happiness” so I will skip the longer discussion on that. But, long story short, if you aren’t an addict (then you need external help) and are doing this for recreation, you definitely need to take a long hard look on your life. And honestly most people who overdosed or spent their lives in and out of rehab believed they weren’t addicts and doing it just for “fun”.
There was a study done in Australia in 2017 focusing on recreational drug users. Here is the report if you want to look up https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-12-recreational-drug-users.html
What it essentially says is ” The team identified two important drivers they believe lead people to take up recreational drug use: social networking and performance enhancement. ” Ok. Same reason why people drink too. It relaxes you, makes you feel more sociable and attractive. But, can we just look at what I said up above? You don’t fucking know what you are putting in yourself!
Any kind of performance enhancers are prohibited in sports. You will be disqualified if you are found using them. That would make you a cheater. The people who have worked hard through their life, with discipline and grit deserve it more than a cheater like you. So, why is it not the same in life? You want to cheat people into thinking you are attractive and interesting? What happens when the drug wears off? What happens the next morning? What happens when they realize that you are nowhere that interesting? Shouldn’t your efforts be directed towards becoming more socially comfortable (if that is an issue) or finding people with common ground and interests. Why this farce?
Or looking on the bright side, they might actually find their soul mate while snorting the lines. Share their lives and the numbers of their dealers on speed dial. How utterly romantic! Atleast we know what’s gonna be served at their wedding for sure.
It all comes down to that feeling of “high”. Of that elevated mood, happiness and fun! It’s all about dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine. Alcohol, weed and most drugs use one of this pathways. You know what else gives you that sense of euphoria? Exercising. The joy of learning something new. The sense of achievement. The knowledge that you are trying, doing something good and worthwhile. All of them. The endorphins released give you the same feeling of “being high”.
A couple of years ago, myself and a few girl friends started going for football coaching. These were the same people I spent most my weekend nights with. A lot of partying, drinking and fun. The coaching sessions were weekend early mornings. We sucked at it. Big time. (Atleast, I did) But, we enjoyed it so much! So much that we stopped going out in the nights, to make sure that we were fresh and ready for the classes next morning. We didn’t cancel our classes because we preferred getting high in the night. The feeling after a great workout and the idea of learning something new with your friends trumped all the partying. Doesn’t mean you go to bed at 8:30 like me! We are humans and we are social beings. I let go of my sleep sometimes to go out and have fun. Have that drink or two or three that I love. What you have to understand is, your priorities. Your choice of primary source of “being high”.
It’s your choice. What is your internal motivator? How you going to get high? You are going to break yourself down or build yourself up? Pill or will?