The internet is full of life advice. Advice from real experts and some self-proclaimed. How to fall in love, how to overcome a heartbreak, how to hold on, how to let go.
A few months ago, I had come across an article on how to be “unavailable.” The idea of “being unavailable” sounded very manipulative. It basically asks you to dangle a treat in front of the one you are interested in and then pull it back. Play this game till the other person is perpetually in the hope that today is the lucky day. Today is the day, when you will be emotionally available to them. Today is the day when you would acknowledge them. Today is the day when their love would be reciprocated.
As I read on, I couldn’t believe it. This is from a site which is big on self-help and betterment. There are other articles on the same site talking about unconditional love. This seemed so wrong.
What happened to loving with abandonment? What about love against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be? No, I didn’t write this beautiful thought. Unfortunately, Charles Dickens beat me to it in the “Great expectations”.
But, am I just being too naive? Too hopeful? Looking at this world through my rose colored glasses? Do we have to play this manipulative game?
I think, unfortunately, we do. Let’s not call it manipulation, let’s call it the power struggle. Here is at stake, your heart. When you open up, give in, you become vulnerable. You are giving someone the power to hurt you, to break your heart. We all need and should have that person, with whom we can be our messiest self. A puddle of tears, a mangle of emotions. But, how do you know it’s the right person? How do you know it’s the right time? I am not going to tell you that. Because, I don’t know. I don’t claim to be an expert in the matters of heart, or in anything for that matter. And you are the best judge of your heart.
This struggle of emotions is the toughest with the people who you want to come into your inner circle. You don’t know what they want, what they are thinking, do they want to be where you want.
But, if you have this struggle with people in your core circle, it’s emotionally draining. You aren’t playing safe here. You have already shown them your vulnerable side. You have already handed them the power over you. So, it’s time to wonder if you have been a fool or they are misusing their power.
No amount of self-help advice is going to help you here. Because, you are going to be blind. Going to hope against hope that your fears aren’t true. Going to fight hard and in that process hand them a little more power. If all works out well, you have your dear friend with you, if not, you feel like a fool for losing your confidence and loving someone who never did love you.
I am a die-hard romantic. If you do something, do with all the passion you have in you. Love hard and fight for it harder. But, fight where your love is appreciated. People can say what they want, unfortunately in these times, text what they want. But as George R.R. Martin says multiple times in “Game of Thrones”…. Words are wind.
Words are wind. Forever changing. Moving along in any direction. So, don’t go by what people promise you. Have some faith, but don’t go blind. Struggle, but struggle for the right ones.
Go find your Kryptonite. Where you are powerless, but you are at home.