Mourn

Smiles. Laughter.
Stolen kisses.
Love songs.
Missing you.
Missing us.
The world at our feet.
And Then.
And then.
You broke me apart.
Ripped out my heart.
Told me, I wasn’t worth it, from the start.
I believed you.
Like I always did.
You were my life, my faith.
So, this must be the truth.
I died a thousand deaths.
Thinking of you with every breath.
You are stupid, selfish and ugly.
Unlovable.
Unbearable.
Go away. Disappear.
Isn’t that what you said to me?
I begged you, cried.
No! I love you.
Can’t you see?
I will be what you want me to be.
Stop talking? I will.
Become invisible? I will.
Just please don’t leave me.
But, you ignored me.
Made me feel like I didn’t exist.
Broke my self confidence, my self respect.
Made me loath myself.
Hate. Hate. Hate.
Hate myself for losing you.
Hate myself for loving you.
Hate myself for hating.
I am not this person.
This is not me.
I was full of joy and life
And everyone loved me.
So it’s not me!
It’s you.
May be it’s not u.
It can’t be. 
Because, I love u.
See? See what you have done to me?
See, what you have made me become?
No! I am not letting this happen.
No! I never give up.
didn’t give up on u.
But, I am letting you go now.
I am not giving up on me. 
I am not giving up on love.
But, I know.
I know that I am smart, beautiful and lovely.
I know how to give. I am generous.
I know how to love. And I ll love.
Love. Love.Love.
Its time to be me.
Me again.
Time to get up, get stronger.
I don’t want you anymore.
Time to love and respect myself again.
Time to let the world see the beautiful me.
Time to let the people in, who love and appreciate me.
Because, I know that I am lovable and I deserve joy.
I learnt this, and you should believe it too my friends.
And this is why….
Love is not about convenience,
Love is not about what’s wrong and what’s right,
Love is not about what the world wants,
Love is not justified.
So, mourn.
Mourn, lament and cry.
Let your heart shatter into a million pieces
Don’t try and be stronger, not yet. Please don’t try.
You are strong and beautiful,
Inside and out.
You have your whole life to stand and fight,
Now is the moment to let go.
Let go. Let it out.
Scream if you want. Cry. Shout.
Feel the pain. Feel the loss.
Just feel. Feel all of it.
Feel. But, don’t let the light die.
Nurture it. Treasure it.
Let it shine.
Shine bright.
Because, you are you.
You are the best.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
This too shall pass,
And you will rise, stronger, better, wiser.
So, mourn my friend.
Mourn.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Priya says:

    Deepika, stumbled upon your blog from one of the links on my FB feed. I am very glad I did and this poem being my favorite since I feel tremendous amount of respect for the vulnerability you have shown with these words. Your anguish wrenches my heart and your positivity makes me smile from deep inside. Thank you for being genuine and for sharing- Priya Menon

    Like

  2. Deepika Rao says:

    Thank you. Yes, writing this had drained me out and at the same time liberated me. It means a lot when someone can see, feel and understand what I want to share and say. Specially when I have bared my soul. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

    Like

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