And you may stumble too.
So while you talk about me,
someone else is judging you.
– Bob Marley.
Let me make it very clear before I start. I am no saint.
I was quite judgmental myself. Whoever didn’t believe in my ideals and principals must be an idiot for sure. Nothing I thought or did could be wrong. Very rigid. Very set in my ideas.
But, then life happened. And, thank god for that! All the experiences, good and bad, all the people, amazing and ermmm let’s say, not so amazing. And, of course, you get wiser and develop more patience as you grow older. Well, something to be glad about being older!!
You never know what’s in store for you. You can plan, dream and fantasize all you want. But, you are in for a surprise.
Bottom line, I am way more accepting and understanding than I was before. I have more empathy and I try to keep an open mind about every new situation. So, it becomes very difficult to not be the stuck up b**** I was before, when people around me won’t quit judging me.
So, what am I judged on? The most common being, how I look. Every time I meet someone new, there are the usual oohs and aahs. “Wow!! you have a kid?” “You have maintained yourself really well” etc etc.
Don’t get me wrong! Like any normal person I love these compliments. But, nowadays they don’t feel very great. I have lost a lot of weight in the last few months. And, I am not very happy about that. I am trying really hard to gain some. Tried just eating, eating and working out, all kinds of combos. Its not working, because with me my weight loss and gain totally depends on my mental and emotional health. If I am stressed and unhappy, I am going to go skinnier day by day, no matter how much and what I eat.
Now, when I talk about going on a diet or working out, people go crazy giving me lectures about how I am stupid to even think about that. Excuse me, I am sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s YOU who is stupid because you don’t even know the meaning of a diet. Going on a diet doesn’t mean starving yourself. It means eating in a controlled manner, eating what is right for you for your present physical condition. Just because I am thin doesn’t mean I should stuff myself up with everything which comes my way. Every time you are eating some crap, you are losing on lots of nutrition.
And, just in case you know this and you are dumb enough to think that I actually intend to starve myself, then please, don’t call yourself my friend. Because you clearly haven’t bothered to know me.
I have been very particular and conscious about eating right and healthy. Except for two instances, when I was going through severe emotional trauma, I have never had any health issues. Fit as a fiddle. So, I know what I am talking about.
Another bone of contention. My desire for a better midriff. Well, another lesson, just because someone is skinny doesn’t mean they have super great abs. This might seem very trivial. But, you will be amazed at how many showdowns I have had on this topic.
So what if I want them? Its my body. Unless I am harming it, I have all rights to want and desire things which are achievable. All the women, who have gone through pregnancies will know what I am talking about. Your body changes completely. Unless you work out within the first few months post delivery it is very difficult to get the abdominal muscles back in shape. And, most of us don’t have the time to do that. I had no inclination either. I was just being a mom. I didn’t give two hoots about getting back into my pre pregnancy shape. But, now if I want to, what is wrong with that?
Is it because they think I am judging them? I think I am superior because I am skinny and you are not? If that’s the case, all I have to say is , ” I understand your struggle. Coz I am struggling too.”
If 10 people tell me I am gorgeous, one friend kills it by asking if he can borrow the chopsticks to eat his noodles. (read, my legs)
If 100 people say they’ll kill to look like me after a baby, one friend says my bones bite into him when he gives me a hug.
So, no. I am not going down. When I don’t judge you when you are shoveling down dessert after dessert and then crib about not losing weight, or about letting go of yourself and now struggling to lose the extra flab, you don’t get to judge me when I crib about not being in shape. When you say mean things and I am quiet, its not because I agree with you. It’s because if I tell you what I think, that will be the last conversation we would ever have.
Again, I am not saying I don’t judge people at all. Every time I catch myself doing that, I remind myself what I feel when I am judged. No matter what the situation, you don’t know what is going on with that person. You don’t live his life. You don’t know his pain. You don’t know what made him be/do what he did.
So, every time you are about to judge someone, it can be about how they look, dress, talk, eat, the jokes they crack, the amount they drink, the way they lose their temper, take a step back. Just tell yourself, you don’t live his life so you don’t get to decide what or how they should be. Be a little more accepting. A little more forgiving. And, a little more loving.