How to lose a friend

Friendship. One of the best relationships.

You can never have enough of them. Best friends, casual friends, school friends, college friends, office friends, Facebook friends, friends to party with, friends who are your mentors, friends who are there for you even if you haven’t met them in years.
I can go on and on about this. Bottom line, no matter who you are, what you are going through, the one thing you can’t do without, are friends.

Like any other normal person (yes, u can categorize me under normal every now and then) I have a whole lot of friends. Scores in each of the categories mentioned above, and more.

All of us make a few besties through our lives. Some are part of certain phases of our lives and some are diapers to diapers. Unfortunately, I never made any friends in the latter category. The term bestie and the presence of best friends is fairly new in my life.

As, we have already established in my earlier posts that I am a little weird, this shouldn’t come as a surprise to you. I have trust issues. I cannot trust, like and love people very soon. Doesn’t mean I am antisocial. Outwardly, I am a very friendly person. I can have conversations with any random stranger and keep in touch. But, I have a hard time letting anyone in. I can like someone but, I cannot get attached.

Except for one friend from my school time, all my other besties entered much later, in my adult life. And, there aren’t a lot of them. With most of them, it wasn’t love at first sight. (if I may call that) We danced around, tested the waters, probably had big crazy fights (If you are my friend, you cannot escape that) and over sometime became great friends. They still are and I can’t imagine my life without them.

But, we all have this one friend who is your rock. If you are lucky and fortunate enough like me, you have more than one. They are there for you thick and thin, know all your quirks and love you in all your madness. And somehow, you have a strong emotional connection with them from the very beginning.

So, how do you deal with it, when this blows up? When you break up with your partner, usually you know it’s coming. Its a gradual build up towards the end. There are exceptions, of course. (Ok. Stop!! Concentrate!! We are talking about friendships here and not types of break ups!!)

Ahem. Hello. I am back. So, what I am trying to say is, that friendships, specially if we are talking about a best friend, is way more involved emotionally. (Or, is there something wrong with me?) With your bestie, you don’t have to put up a front, you can be as you are and not be worried about being judged. You get what I am saying? If not, too bad. I am going to go ahead anyways.

When I call someone my best friend, I mean it with all my heart. I go all out. All my walls down. All my fears, insecurities, questions out on the table. There are always a few besties who are a little more special than the others. Most often than not, its probably because they are around you and available with their shoulder for you to lean on when you need.  They are your loyal best friends. (LBF)

Well, you know by now that I am gonna bitch and moan about one of my LBFs. So, let’s cut to the chase.

My LBF was my rock, my pillar. Brutally honest, never shied away from telling me, how irrational and crazy I was being. My 3 a.m. friend (Never made that call, coz well, I sleep at 9. But, if someone had to receive that call, it would have been this person) my wise mentor, my confidant. Believed in me, encouraged me, was there right by my side every time I was falling apart. Knew what a hot mess I could be, knew my deepest darkest secrets and still loved me all the same. Atleast, that’s what I thought.

So, how do you deal when your LBF abandons you? If you go through a break up, you get over it. One day. Some day. But, if the person who is supposed to help you out with the break up leaves you, what do you do?

I finally let my guards down. Let someone see my good, bad and ugly just to be deserted when I am in the deepest pits of hell. Was, that my mistake? Being myself? Trusting someone?

I feel like I have been sucker punched. I feel like I have had the rug swept out from under my feet. I feel cheated. I feel naked. 

Advertisements

2 Comments Add yours

  1. This may not be true for everyone, but, I feel like it is so much more difficult to deal with losing a best friend than it is to deal with a break-up. Probably cause we never really think it will happen..we always leave room for the thought that a “relationship” (you know which kind I mean) may end, but we all live in this false hope that best friends never leave or change. Anyway, I can sympathise with you here. This has happened to me more often than I care to admit and sadly I'm one of those persons that gets attached far too quickly for my own good! :/

    Like

  2. Deepika Rao says:

    Thanks Anupama. Yes, the idea that best friends are forever and would love you and be there no matter, makes dealing wit this much more difficult. 😦

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s